recognizing the divinity of motherhood on mother's day

Last Mother's Day I just tried to survive--survive another first without mom, survive another day without my own baby to hold in my arms, survive a complicated holiday for a stepmom. I remember sitting on the couch crying in the church foyer completely overcome with emotions.

Last Mother's Day I talked about how the year before I would never have imagined my mom would be gone from this earth. If you'd told me last year that this year I'd be pregnant and about to give birth to my first child I wouldn't have believed you either. Time is a strange thing.

Yesterday my church friends held a virtual baby shower for me and Henry. All day I felt grateful and loved by so many. It was overwhelming to be the center of attention and have people care enough about me to take time out of their busy lives to shower me with love and gifts.

I thought a lot about my mom yesterday too. How I made her a mom at 22 and Henry will make me a mom at 32. By the age of 29, she was done having babies. When I was 29 I became a wife and stepmom. The timeline and course of our stories are very different from each other, and yet because of the gospel, they are rooted in the same divine desire and reverence for motherhood.

All my mom ever wanted to be was a good wife and mother. She instilled that same desire in me from a young age. There were so many times throughout my teenage years, and even more so in my 20s, that I worried and wondered if I would ever be able to grasp those opportunities. Could I really receive those blessings in my life? Was I enough? Was I worthy? How was I ever going to get from point A to point B?

President Nelson shared a quote this morning that perfectly encapsulates my feelings about motherhood that my own angel mother taught me: “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”

This Mother's Day I actually feel closer to my mom than I have since she passed. With a whole new chapter of motherhood waiting for me right around the corner, I find myself feeling more like her and striving to find ways to bring her presence into my everyday life. I have this amazing opportunity to draw upon everything she taught me as I learn to mother my own son.

I'm still devastated my mom is not here on this earth. That feeling will never go away or be ok. But I can feel her strength sustaining me from beyond the veil. She may not be here to meet my son but I know she knows him. And he will know his Grammy Lorri.

I am her legacy and he is mine.