thoughts on becoming a boy mom

baby earl's gender reveal at 15 weeks

I thought I’d be devastated to find out we were having a boy. Like go into a major depression, need to take a mental health day off from work kind of devastated. A bit hyperbolic? Yes, but that’s truly how I felt. I really wanted a girl and thought for sure that was what we were having.

Dale and I have both had individual and together experiences that led us to believe we would have a daughter together one day. So you can imagine my surprise when at our 15 week ultrasound appointment they could already tell we were having a boy.

The tech doing my ultrasound that day asked us if we knew what we were having. We said no but that we wanted to know if they could tell us. Next she goes, “Ok, well so that right there is what I like to call the third leg.” Dale immediately knew what she meant while I lied there completely unaware.

Inside I was thinking, “What? Is the baby ok? What does she mean a third leg?” Sensing my confusion from the perplexed look on my face, the tech finally said, “It’s a boy! You’re having a boy.” I looked at Dale in utter disbelief. “We’re having a boy? It’s a boy?” I said. “I thought we were having a girl. Oh my goodness. Wow, it’s really a boy?”

I remained in shock as the tech continued with the ultrasound pointing out all of our little guy’s developing parts. As the reality began to set in, I was surprised by my excitement and lack of devastation. I didn’t feel sad. I felt happy. We’re having a boy!

me and baby boy on december 22, 2019

Prior to finding out the gender, I felt like I knew the spirit of our potential little girl. I realized I was afraid of having a boy because I didn't feel connected to him in the same way. Who is this little boy that's growing inside me?

Feeling disconnected to our little dude has changed dramatically since that 15 week ultrasound. It's nice to be able to call him by his name instead of just "Baby Earl". I talk to him as he wiggles around in my belly and talk to Zoey about having a little brother. Aiden and Brennan were also very excited to learn that they're going to have a baby brother instead of a baby sister.

Slowly but surely we're starting to get his nursery setup and my mind has been running wild with decor ideas. We've settled on a Star Wars theme and I couldn't be more delighted to be decorating a boy room. I've started gathering baby clothes from an awesome local thrift store called Other Mothers. Little girl clothes do nothing for me anymore. It's funny how quickly your perspective can change.

my amazing stepsons brennan & aiden on their 6th birthday

As of yesterday, I'm 20 weeks which means we're halfway to meeting this little guy. I know the next few months are going to fly by but also probably feel very long at the same time. Thinking about becoming a boy mom I'm impressed by so many different things in my life that have prepared me for this role.

When I became a stepmom three years ago, it was to the two sweetest little boys I could ever imagine. Over the past few years I've learned how to connect with them and relish in all things superheroes, legos, and Star Wars. While I missed the baby stage with them, from the time they were 3-years-old I've been able to participate in their development and growth.

In my early twenties finishing college and working in Salt Lake City, my cousin Mandi and her family were my second home. I had the opportunity to be "Rissy" to my cousins Isaac and Alex (who are now so grown-up I can hardly believe it). Watching Mandi and interacting with her boys taught me so much about how to be a good mom. Who would have thought that when the time came to bring my firstborn into this world he would be a boy too?

me and my sweet cousin Alex in 2011

2020 is already a year like any other in my 32 years on this earth. Everything in our life is going to change once this little guy arrives. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. Amidst all the fear and anxiety, I do know one thing--I was meant to be this baby boy's mom and I can hardly wait to meet him.