finding out about baby earl

(I wrote this post on Thursday, September 19, one day after we found out I was pregnant)

Yesterday morning I was terrified to pee on that stick. Well, I don't really pee on it because it's easier to pee in a cup and then dip but I digress. I got up with Dale knowing it was time. I went to the other bathroom with my supplies and proceeded to take a pregnancy test.

I covered the stick up with the instructions while I waited the 3 minutes shaking as I sat on the toilet. In 3 minutes I would meet the inevitable fork in the road to growing our family. One side would lead to more tests, drugs, procedures, and struggles to make our baby. The other side would lead to a new chapter of being pregnant and growing our long awaited baby.

My 3 minutes were up. It was time to find out where the road was taking us next.

The second line was a little faint but it was there. 2 lines. Two actual lines on that life changing stick. There's a baby in there. I gasped in joy and surprise. It worked! I can get pregnant. My body can do this.

I called my sister and said the two words I've wondered if I'd ever be able to say: "I'm pregnant!" It was four in the morning her time so our call didn't last long. I said goodbye and ran to our room to tell Dale.

Dale and I joke about how impatient I am but this moment took it to a whole new level. The poor guy didn't even have the chance to finish his morning constitutional before I barged in to share the good news. We hugged and I kept saying "I'm pregnant! It worked!!! There's a baby in there. We're gonna have a baby!!!!!

I had a plane to catch so I couldn't fully dissolve into a little ball of wriggly joy and excitement. We both got our showers and ate breakfast together before heading to the airport. I was in such a fog of anticipation, I totally messed up how and when we were going to tell our parents and siblings. Thankfully, my sweet husband forgave me for our misunderstanding and we got everything worked out thanks to the beauty of technology.

Sitting on the plane in the airport waiting to take off, I listened to Taylor Swift's song "Everything Has Changed" on repeat and cried softly. Thankfully I was sitting next to a very nice older couple who didn't question why this 30-something-year-old woman next to them was crying.

All I know is we said hello
So dust off your highest hopes
All I know is pouring rain
And everything has changed
All I know is a new found grace
All my days, I'll know your face
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Everything has changed. I feel closer to my Heavenly Father than I ever have before. Right now I exist in a state of complete reverence and awe coupled with intense anxiety and fear. I want this baby to grow and be healthy. I want him or her to join our family in this world.

Even though I'm riddled with the reality that this pregnancy has risks and potential complications, I want to choose hope. I'm trying to live by faith. Good things are happening for us. Our prayers and those of so many who love us are being answered.

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