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| the last picture of me and mom together |
As a stepmom, Mother's Day is already a complicated holiday for me. Then you add the tragic loss of my mother 10 months ago combined with our continuing struggle to get pregnant and the day quickly became an emotionally explosive trifecta.
Mother's Day Weekend my emotions were on a twisting roller coaster of highs and lows. On Saturday I was overcome by despair and self-pity. By the time we got home from visiting the boys in Farmington, seething rage mixed with numb indifference clouded my mind and engulfed my body. Unsure how to help myself and wanting to be alone, I took a shower and let the water poor over me for 20+ minutes.
I sat on the floor of the tub and cried. I wanted to cry more than I could actually let out. The desire to wail and lose complete control welled up inside but I couldn’t surrender. It hurt too much. Like a crying baby, I let enough out so I could at least fall sleep.
