I sat down to write this post yesterday and was so overcome with emotion I couldn't type. I ended up listening to the Trisha Yearwood song "It Wasn't His Child" on repeat and then calling my mom once I regained my composure. Some thoughts and feelings are just too personal and sacred to write down. I finally understand that now.
In less than three weeks I will not only become a wife but I will also become a stepmom. Becoming Mrs. Earl means I will take on the awesome responsibility to care for Dale's boys and help them develop into the men they will become. I know I'm not their mom and I don't want them to ever feel like I'm trying to replace her. But I do hope that they will come to love me and see me as a steady, positive influence in their lives.
My capacity to love has grown exponentially since I met Dale. Until we met, I never anticipated that becoming a stepmom would ever be a part of my story. When we did meet, and I learned that Dale had two young boys, I wondered if that was a situation I could take on. At the time, I had no idea how much or how quickly I would come to love the boys as much as I do. It's an experience and love that is difficult to explain in words.
Navigating the effects of divorce and blending families is no easy task. It's difficult for everyone involved. I sometimes feels like an imposter and I won't pretend that it hasn't been a pretty emotional experience for me so far. I'm grateful that even though I haven't always been in the picture that the boys are still young enough that we have the opportunity to form our own special relationship.
My deepest desire has always been to be a wife and mother. I feel honored and overwhelmed that I get to start my journey into motherhood from the moment I say "I do". Being a step parent is a very unique role that I take very seriously. The journey is only just beginning and I pray with all of my heart that I will be worthy of the task.
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